Perfectionism

It has come to my attention that I am a perfectionist. I got in a big disagreement with my three year old futurity mare, (again) and it is donning on me that our goals are entirely different. She refuses to copoerate. Not with training but with my dream. Perhaps I have set my goals to high, and, being a perfectionist, I consider myself a failure for not reaching my goals.

Its not that I haven't reached my goal. But I've come to the realization that my goals are out of reach. Placing in a respectable reining futurity with the mare is a stretch. The negative way to say it would be to say that its a joke. But after studying perfectionism on the Internet I've learned not to use strong language, in order that I can start to become an optimist, which is what you have to become to not be a perfectionist. I'd like, now, apparently, to become a "high achiever." Which is a healthy persons version of being a perfectionist. When a high achiever doesn't reach a goal he doesn't fret, he just enjoys being on a path to improvement. In other words he's a looser. Oops there I go again being negative. Optimist's put a positive spin on everything. They dont feel pain, they experience discomfort. They dont get mad, they become annoyed. In other words they are idiots. But at least they are happy.

Perfectionists are unhappy, suffer from low self esteme, and frustrated.

So I'm reprogramming myself to be an optimist. This could take a while.

An interesting thing learned is that perfectionists are critical of themselves and others. I am very critical of myself when I train a horse. I try to make it a habit not to be critical of people though, so it took me a while to figure out that who I am critical of is the horse I'm training. I'm critical of him or her and also of myself.

The great horseman Tom Dorrance is quoted as saying, "be picky, but not critical." But I'm very critical, specially if I feel the horse is thwarting my goal on every level. I try to convince the horse through all of the training methods I can think of but the results often come slowly, and sometimes progress either ends abruptly or goes backwards and I become frustrated and she becomes frustrated and when the dust settles I perceive myself as a faliure while she happily munches on really expensive feed.

Never mind that I've done a really nice job on a mare with limited potential. I often tell people that you cant make chicken salad out of chicken shit. Which means if you want a horse to be a star reiner you cant just take a common pooper and expect miricles. No, you have to start with a horse possesing the requisit talent and brains to accept the training and enjoy the work. Yet I expect myself to make chicken salad. No offense to the horse. The horse is always right.

I've chosen a tough challenge, It takes a year to make a reining horse. Over two years ago I started training another mare that I have recently all but given up on. She just turned out OK. Barely. The reason she turned out ok is that I turned her over to my wife, Pookie and she gets along with the mare. She accepts a little progress and puts the mare up. She allows imperfection and this keeps the mare from becoming upset. Pookie is one of those happy high achievers. God love her.

So I started on this new fillie over a year ago and now I realise that she is just going to be ok but nothing to write home about. So I am basically relaxing my high hopes on her which will be a relief to us both. I'm accepting her for what she is and will base my further training and showing of her accordingly. To use baseball as an illistration: I was hoping to make the major leages or more realistically the minor leagues with her but she will most likely end up in the church league softball division. Slow pitch. Crap.

Or, in the spirit of becoming more optomistic. Stuff.

Also I will begin employing self affirming self talk techniques. The idea here is, you change your speach to constantly say what you want to be like, it eventually gets in your subconciounce and before long, pretso: Your the man. So, without further adue, here I go!

I am at peace.

I am happy.

I work well under pressure.

I am wise.

I am calm.

I am blessed.

I am lucky.

Success is 98 percent failure.

I am cool.

I am smart.

And for the mare.

She tries.

She is sound.

She is patient with me.

She is quiet.

She is forgiving.

She has some ability.

She has taught me much.

She doesn't owe me anything.

She is pretty.

She is kind.

She is meek.

Me again...

I am meek.

I am humble.

I am kind.

I am gentle.

I am secure.

I am going to bed.

Or shooting myself.